Setting Standards: Discovering A Life That Works For You
It was an early evening in Bridgetown, Barbados. As I walked barefoot along the boardwalk with a friend, reflecting on our goals and dreams, the sun dipped below the horizon in a breathtaking green flash. Waves crashed gently against the rocks, and the clouds sailed like ships in the air. In that moment, I realized I was living a life I could only imagine just a few years ago.
That day, I worked hard, ate healthy, socialized with friends and family, exercised at the gym, and slept a full 8 hours. For the first time in my life, I felt I could work as hard as needed without sacrificing any parts of myself.
My time in Barbados has set the tone for the way I want to live my life in the future — but it took a lot of exploration to discover it.
Attempt 1 — Too hot
My first attempt to design a life for myself came when I solo-traveled through Spain and Portugal in October 2023. I’d heard from dozens of people that solo travel was a highlight of their lives, so I had to take the opportunity.
I had a lot of fun and shared many beautiful moments with the travellers I met in hostels. For a while, I seriously considered becoming a digital nomad and working while exploring the world.
However, I soon realized a few things about myself:
1. I need something to pour my intellectual energy into. I fell asleep every night with an intellectual “itch,” wanting to work on something.
2. My brain craves challenge. I deeply missed Muay Thai classes and going to the gym.
3. I need to design my life around my work.
While I loved the freedom and novelty, I found myself distracted, missing the satisfaction of deep, focused work. I decided I needed to live in a much more work-focused place.
Attempt 2 — Too cold
From January to March, I found myself in Silicon Valley, building products at one of the world’s best AI startup hacker houses. This was another chance to discover my dream life.
I was in a much nicer place than Toronto. The house had free food and even a personal trainer. On paper, everything seemed perfect.
But something felt off:
1. There was tech everywhere. Everyone I met was doing the same thing, and it was hard to find novelty in the people or experiences.
2. The environment was stressful. The office had no windows, deadlines were tight, and client problems piled up. It was fine for a few weeks, but over two months, it drained me.
3. The food wasn’t great.
4. The weather was gloomy — rainy, overcast days were more frequent than I’d expected.
Despite having everything I “needed” for a happy life, I was sadder than ever. I fell into bad habits, rarely worked out, and isolated myself. I was unhealthier than ever, and I started to wonder if I’d ever find a balance between work and life.
Attempt 3 — Just right
I only stayed in Barbados for three and a half weeks, but it felt different. I was living with my co-founders, and we made healthy, home-cooked meals. I walked along the beach every day before starting work, and we swam in the ocean while having product discussions. We met some of the nicest locals there as well!
Barbados felt different because I came in knowing what didn’t work for me. I needed challenge without burnout, novelty without chaos, and balance without compromise. This time, I found it.
Working hard was easy and never came at the expense of other aspects of my life. I no longer felt like I was fighting an uphill battle — my routine just fell into place.
While I’m not sure I can replicate the Barbados lifestyle forever, I now know what it takes for me to feel truly happy with the way I live. From now on, I will strive to achieve my perfect balance between work, socializing, novelty, fun, and health.
Takeaways
If you’re searching for your ideal way of living, I can’t recommend enough the value of going out into the world and exploring. Only by experiencing different lifestyles can you discover what works best for you.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. You can’t design your dream lifestyle without trying out different ways of living. Be open to experimentation.
2. Stop following prescribed lifestyles from friends, family, or the internet. What works for others probably won’t not work for you.
3. The right environment makes living your standards almost effortless. Seek places and situations that naturally align with how you want to live.
4. When you’ve set your standards of living, everything else falls into place — health, productivity, and happiness become natural byproducts.
5. When your life aligns with your values and needs, working hard feels easy and fulfilling. It’s also much harder to slip into bad habits.
6. You don’t need to wait to live your dream lifestyle. Figure out what it looks like and see how close you can get to it right now.
Ask yourself: What do I need to thrive? What kind of environment makes my standards easy to maintain? And what can I do today to start living closer to my ideal life?
By setting your standards and designing your life around them, you can create a lifestyle where working hard and living well go hand in hand.